But do remember the rule of the Serta: only one man should break your springs.

by Susan Reinhardt . photo by Rimas Zailskas

People can be a wee bit shy about love or relationship woes. Please, y’all, send them in, and I’ll help dig you out of the trenches. No question is too embarrassing or dumb to ask. And your name will forever remain confidential.

This month, a successful local businesswoman in her early 40s had a few scorching comments and a question on her mind:

Mountain bikers make me hot. There are two bike shops around my house, and the guys who work there are afraid to come around the corner or I’ll attack them. My question: is it okay for a woman over 40 to date one man her age and also keep some 20-something-year-old on the side?

It sounds delicious, honey. Like something Vanessa Williams from Desperate Housewives might pull. But it’s dangerous turf if you don’t use the right fertilizer. Meaning you must let your old dude know things aren’t exclusive. If you’re sexting the geezer and wearing thongs in his presence, that’s exclusive. If not, then nothing’s wrong with a yummy young treat on the side. Just let both men know where they stand. You can only sleep with one unless you want to be a total slut pup. Secrets are for politicians and cheesy celebrities—not regular folks’ relationships. By the way, I’m sure quite a few women envy being in your shoes. Jimmy Choos? You’re such a cougar. Just remember the rule of the mighty Serta: only one man should break your springs. 

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Another woman in her 30s, a triathlete from Haw Creek, wanted to know about money matters when it comes to men:

How much money does it take to overcome a man’s character flaws? For me, there’s not enough if he’s mean. But if he’s just kind of boring and agreeable and has serious money, is that workable?

You bet your sweet lingerie it’s doable. As a woman who married a musician the first go-round, I wanted none of that with my second marriage. Boring and agreeable sounds trainable. Dough-loaded dullards can be livened up with the right sassy woman. So, enjoy his company and teach him a few tricks about injecting some fun into life. Tell him what a thrill spending that money would be for you both. Do I see a trip to Fiji in the future? (Mama’s answer: “Make sure he knows the Lord and reads his Bible, especially Proverbs.” This is Mama’s standard answer. I’m hoping she’ll expand on her advice.)

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This month’s final love crisis comes from a middle-aged man, a nature lover and hunk who can make fire from bamboo. Just what you need in a man. He writes:

In my case, the aftermath of a relationship that was once harmonious is now awkward and alienating. Now that more than a year has passed, what are some possible and appropriate measures I can take to bury the hatchet and become friends? I don’t wish to put any salt on old wounds or venture inappropriately into her comfort zone. Do I let matters rest, or break the ice?

If she really wanted to be around you, your text messages would ding all day. Or, you’d hear your doorbell ring and see her fine face peeping in. (Sex with the ex, anyone?) In your case, you’ve got a cold fish on your hands. I don’t think she’s ready to be friends. Give it another year. Or five. If you’re that eager to make peace so you can sleep at night, call her up and just say, “Can we be friends? On your terms?”

Good luck. But don’t hold your breath. I’ve seen you around, and you definitely qualify as some hot stuff out there for other lucky local ladies.

Until next time, that’s amore.

Please send your questions and comments to susan@susanreinhardt.com