It isn’t hard to do. Especially in January, the number one breakup month of the year.

by Susan Reinhardt

With the holidays over, January looms cold and bleak for some. Why? Because January is the number one breakup month of the year. Asheville life coach Randy Siegel, author of Break Up, Wake Up, Move On, says there are several reasons why. “Many couples wait to get through the holidays,” says Siegel, who runs the website EverybodysGayBestFriend.com. People often wait because of children, or the fact that few like going through the holidays alone, he says. Another reason is the holidays themselves. “They are stressful, and they can be the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak,” he says.

Lisa Daily, author of Stop Getting Dumped, concurs, and says many couples don’t want to dampen the season’s collective and festive mood by cutting ties during the “feel-good” periods of November and December. “For some, (January) feels like the first chance to make a clean break after the holiday,” she says. “For others, the breakup is part of the New Year’s resolution package that includes getting a better job, losing the love handles and embarking on a mission to find true love.”

Want to know the signs that a parting is in the offing? Daily says look out for these three things:

1. Your partner is no longer interested in sex, or worse, recently learned some new tricks.

2. He or she says, “I need some space,” or “I think we should see other people.”

3. The buying of a pre-paid cell phone or pager. Daily says this is a really bad sign, and that private investigators everywhere warn the pager purchase is a clue of impending heartbreak.

But don’t fret. Where there’s pain, one often finds healing. Siegel says if you’re suffering after a January heartache, follow the basics of his Seven Commandments for Conscious Parting. First: Allow your feelings and thoughts to come up. Don’t try to control, speed up or manipulate the process. Allow it to unfold naturally. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, remembering that the more you’re able to tolerate the pain, the more aware you’ll become. Deal with it now, instead of allowing it to creep up later.

An important next step: Review past relationships. They should give one insight as to what is going wrong, or if there’s a wayward pattern. Then, he says, remember to be present. To be present, Siegel says, is to “wake up.” Don’t dwell in the past or future. Figure out what changes you need to make in order to bring your dreams, values and interests in closer alignment with your actual life and relationships. Finally, put some effort into becoming your best self and living your best life.

Eventually, the breakup can become a breakthrough, he says. You can become a higher-functioning person and enjoy richer, deeper and more meaningful relationships. While in the process of cutting love’s ties, there are also a few golden rules Siegel suggests following: agree on no contact. This helps create closure and letting go. Siegel says it’s best to return all the ex-partner’s belongings—any reminders, such as letters or photos. And delete all those texts and e-mails that keep you emotionally tethered to the ex. Some find it helpful to journal and record their thoughts (instead of texting them to the ex-partner) for a greater understanding of themselves. A journal is a great place to release all those pent-up thoughts and feelings, he says. “No one gets a free pass,” he says, “everyone eventually gets hurt.” And when it happens, there’s always Ben & Jerry’s.

Check out Siegel at www.everybodysgaybestfriend.com. Susan Reinhardt can be reached at www.susanreinhardt.com.