It may be the big month for weddings, but beware: love and lust can both go wrong.

by Susan Reinhardt . photo by Rimas Zailskas

It’s June. The month when so many hundreds of thousands of women around the country get hitched. Those who are enveloped in love, cherish it. Feed and fan that passion as if it were a fire that could go out on a moment’s notice. This month’s queries from readers show what happens when love—and lust—are doused like an oxygen-starved flame. First, we hear from a man in the midst of a nasty split.

Q I am in the middle of getting divorced and would like your thoughts as to how I might have seen my marriage turning into a landfill a little sooner than I did. The first clue might have been that, for almost a year, my wife would go to an “art gallery opening” every Wednesday night. I found a couple of things a little suspicious about that. First of all, my wife dressed like she was going to a biker bar to try and start fights. Her jeans that looked spray-painted on should’ve been a red flag, right? The other hint should’ve been that, although Asheville is pretty artsy, I’m pretty sure that 50 galleries didn’t open in 2009.

When I sheepishly asked her, “Are we drifting apart, honey?” She answered as only she could. “What was the first clue, you idiot? I want a divorce.” That was two years ago and we’ve been unable to agree on anything since. I thought divorce was easy. I thought you just hired a couple of lawyers, filled out a lot of papers, made lists of property and apologized to your parents, who said, “We never really liked her anyway.” What do you make of this?
- Wounded in Woodfin

A Fortunately, not all divorces are disasters—though mine was, and I thought for the first four years that I was going to lose it. Perhaps some think I did. Your situation sounds gut-wrenching. You give all your love and credit cards to this money-hungry harlot who pretends to like art when she instead dresses like a hooker on the prowl. I’m afraid you’re one of those guys who is just too nice to notice clues. Even big slap-in-the-face clues. You’re what I call a Hoper. You just keep hoping things will get better and that you’re reading the clues incorrectly. You’re not. If you don’t already have one, retain a fabulous lawyer and somehow de-claw this vixen who, it would seem, has no conscience, no soul. I wish you the best. Do not fall for her should she decide to come back. Cut your losses. Move on to those who deserve you.

Q Seriously, my question may make you blush. I think I need to go for hormone replacements (you know the natural kind that they are always hawking on TV). I can’t believe I am to the age where I have absolutely NO DESIRE for sex (with my husband that is, and no, I have not found anyone to fill his spot), and that’s not even the real problem. There are some “performance issues” which I have been gently suggesting that he get looked into. What should I do?
- No Nooky in North Asheville

A I have a friend who swears up and down about the blessings those natural hormones have bestowed upon her. Not only is she hotter than a burner on high, she’s lost weight and feels younger than ever. Personally, I haven’t tried them but might because, since my hysterectomy, I’ve had some similar issues as yours. Mine is more related to pain.

Yours seems like a complete lack of desire on your part coupled with a lack of “springboard” action on his. These two negatives make the bedroom a battleground.

Have an honest conversation with your husband over a nice bottle of wine. Hold nothing back. Start very slowly. The male ego, when it comes to their…whatnots…is super fragile. Tell him you’ll see a gyno if he sees a uro. If he won’t go for that, then email me and I have a list of therapists you could try. Here’s something else. I haven’t read Cosmopolitan since I was 22, but my handyman keeps bringing me recent issues. The entire magazine is devoted to tips for scorching sex and scoring on the old box springs.

Send your love and relationship questions to Susan Reinhardt at susan@susanreinhardt.com. Remember: your identity is safe with us. We won’t use your name, and we’ll only publish the details you say are okay to run.