by Susan Reinhardt . photo by Rimas Zailskas

This month, we answer a question that has baffled men for generations. And, a savvy nurse gives us a crash course in relationship “triage.” 

Q My question is: Why do women always go to the restroom in groups? It never seems to fail. If I’m in a restaurant with another couple and one gal leaves, they both go. Another mystery for the minds of mere mortal men.

- Perplexed About Potties in Weaverville

A For one thing, women’s restrooms are typically nicer, and some even display lotions, hairspray and high-dollar perfumes. Many have sofas and chairs. Even with all those amenities, the real reason women hit the john in mass numbers is we are social creatures and enjoy ducking in and dishing about our dates, adjusting our clothes and make-up or just gabbing.

Q One thing I wonder is: Do people know how to triage in a relationship? I have had a lot of success with my family and friends on that one. Being an ER nurse, we triage patients—red, yellow and green—it is sorting them by emergency classification. I began teaching my daughter to do that as she moved into the relationship realm in high school. She then asked me to teach her friends, and it was great fun and successful. I would hear the girls tell each other: “He’s a red, don’t go there.” And I’d just laugh.

You have to set the standards for the triage of a relationship. Red means a no-go and it won’t work. Things like: he’s married, he’s gay, he drinks excessively or does drugs. It’s heartache waiting to happen. Yellow is a maybe. Not sure, but proceed cautiously. Green is a go. What do you think?

- Nursing Relationships in Asheville

A Yellow is not just the color of pretty flowers. It’s the worst regarding relationships because it puts us in limbo. Many women are in the yellow zone, the purgatory of romance. So what do you do when your dude is a solid yellow? Do you drop the emotional ax and end it before it turns red? Or should we pull out our optimism and linger in the middle zone? Red means no, green means go. I like it. But so many men you meet will be flashing yellow lights. If it were me, I’d give those yellows a month and see if the relationship turns colors like a mood ring. While you don’t want to throw a good man down the drain, you also don’t want to clog your pipes with losers.

Q The dear and late Elizabeth Taylor was a serial monogamist, getting married a total of eight times. Why do women always feel they have to get married to be happy?

- Unmarried in Mars Hill

A I’ve known women who could not care less about marriage and others who believe it’s the grandest gesture of true love. Liz was a romantic, falling in and out of love faster than most of us make a monthly mortgage check. For many of us in long-term relationships, a proposal and a wedding are the next steps in proving a man’s love.

The worst scenario, and I covered it a couple of months ago, is when a woman has given her “best” years to a guy who simply won’t commit. Ever. It’s all up to you. If you’re okay with never gettin’ hitched, great. If you want a man beaming at you from the altar, make sure he’s the type who commits. Otherwise, you’ve wasted precious years on a serial loner. So how do you tell which camp he’s in? You should flat-out ask him. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself dating for years with no ring in your champagne flute.

Send your love and relationship questions to Susan Reinhardt at susan@susanreinhardt.com. Remember: your identity is safe with us. We won’t use your name, and we’ll only publish the details you say are okay to run.