The Love Guide

A Many-Splendored Thing

VERVE’s guide to love in all its forms and phases.

Perhaps, as Valentine’s Day approaches, you’ve found love—true love, picture-perfect, harmonious love—and you have nothing to do now but bask in your bliss. In that case, pat yourself on the back, skip this guide and turn to page 54 for our story on chocolate, which will only further enhance your general state of elation. But we suspect many of you could use some pointers, whether you’ve found love or not. True love is always hard to find, and it’s even harder to keep. We asked Asheville-area marriage counselors, dating and sex experts, divorce attorneys and one longtime married couple for their best insights into love and relationships. What follows is their collected wisdom on how to have the happiest Valentine’s Day (and all the rest of the days) ever. 

Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 02:05AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment

Get a Date Fast

Asheville’s speed dating and networking experts weigh in.

The hardest part about dating is showing up, says Katherine Morosani, who founded Original Asheville Speed Dating two years ago with business partner Sharon Fenchak. The pair hosts monthly two-hour speed dating events that cost $20, and, as Valentine’s Day approaches, their events fill up.

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Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 01:52AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment

Find and Make Love Potions

We scoured Asheville for romance-inducing drinks. 

by Alexandra Minor  .  photo by Matt Rose

First stop, the New French Bar in downtown Asheville, a perfect place to find love. It is, after all, French. Bartender Helen O’Donnell recommends a cocktail called the Rabelais, named for French Renaissance writer François Rabelais, whose works were filled with dirty jokes and lewd songs and who swore that a mixture made with rum, wine, nutmeg, cinnamon and ginger had potent aphrodisiac effects.

Next stop, the Indian restaurant Mela on Lexington Avenue. If your date is a dud, the spicy food will at least pump up your endorphins. Mela also has deep-red walls and low-lit tables. Bartender Alicia Cortes suggests following your meal with a drink she created, the Berry Seductive. Essentially a creamy martini, it’s made with strawberry-flavored Stoli vodka, Godiva and cream.

A block away, at the Emerald Lounge, you can end the night with music and more love-inducing drinks. Elizabeth Reed will serve you up a Heart Throb Martini, which is sure to cement the deal.  

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Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 01:47AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment

Find Your Soul Mate

Tired of casual dates? Basha Kaplan’s tips for finding The One.

Basha Kaplan didn’t take a traditional path to marriage, and she’s glad she didn’t. It’s not that she didn’t believe in marriage—she remembers wanting to get married all her life, even as a little girl. But in her 20s and 30s, she was busy finishing her training in clinical psychology and setting up private practices in Chicago, New York City and Naples, Florida. She had plenty of dates—dashing men who ended up being terrible for her in the end. “As a therapist, I saw so many people being unhappily married,” she says. “I decided I’d rather be single than unhappily married.” 

 

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Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 01:45AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment

Deep, Dark Love

Local authors bare their hearts.

by H. Byron Ballard

Western North Carolina is blessed with strong women writers who have no trouble revealing their deepest feelings. Love comes in many forms, and whether you’re looking for riveting tales with dollops of affection or love stories that require a box of tissues, here are some choices to consider.

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Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 01:38AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment | References4 References

Bring Back that Lovin' Feelin'

Asheville sexologist Kelley Wolfe on boosting the female libido.

It’s one of the hottest topics in sexology: the idea that for some women, both young and old, a healthy libido must be cultivated. “You have to work at sexual desire. It’s your responsibility,” says Kelley Wolfe, one of the only practitioners in the area to call herself a sexologist (as opposed to a sex therapist). We asked Wolfe for tips on revving up a sputtering sex drive.  

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Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 01:34AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment

How to Weasel Out of a Date

Leave a message on the sly.

In an awkward situation, it’s the ultimate confrontation-avoidance trick. A new phone service called Slydial gets you out of that graceless “It’s not you, it’s me” talk by letting you skip straight to any mobile phone’s voicemail. Just call Slydial, punch in the cell number of the poor schlub you’re brushing off and voila! You can give your uninterrupted spiel without any fear of him or her picking up. The message shows up as a voicemail a few minutes later. MobileSphere, the company offering this terrifically passive-aggressive technology, guarantees the calls can’t be answered and also guarantees you can use the service as often as you like for free, as long as you’re willing to listen to a few advertisements.  —M.K.

Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 01:32AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment | References1 Reference

Stop sending drunk emails to your Exes.

So maybe you were on the receiving end of a rude Slydial message (see above). If you have a Gmail account, you can now curb your own worst impulses. Last October, Google introduced a feature called Mail Goggles that forces you to solve five math problems before you can send an email on weekend nights. (You can set the program to kick in at other times, too, if you’re prone to sending boozy emails on, say, weeknights.) Jon Perlow, the Google engineer who created the program, said Gmail can’t always prevent you from sending messages you’ll later regret, but at least Mail Goggles can help.  —J.M.

Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 01:31AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment

When All Else Fails, Cast a Spell

Love spells are always a popular plot device, but your best bet for moving things along in the personal romance department is some simple candle magic. Rather than focusing your intentions a specific person—like Hugh Jackman or Beyonce—try casting a ‘calling spell’ to bring more love and affection into your life. A more relaxed and happier you is sure to be appealing. Check out your local metaphysical bookstore for pink candles, rose oil and a little how-to book on candle magic. The folks at Mystic Journeys on Merrimon Avenue in North Asheville (828-253-4272 ) or Crystal Visions near the airport (828-687-1193) can point you in the right direction.  —H. Byron Ballard

Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 01:30AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment

How to Fix your Marriage

After practicing for ten years, Hendersonville marriage and family therapist Roberta Moore says she’s never seen the economy affect relationships in quite this way. In the last few months, people haven’t been able to afford divorces. The recession simply makes attorneys’ fees and other fees prohibitive. “I kind of like the idea that people can’t get divorced,” she says. “They’ll be forced to work out their issues.” Every couple has unique problems, of course, but Moore does hear a few recurring themes. Below, some common complaints and her tips for addressing them.  

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Posted on Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 01:26AM by Registered CommenterVerve-acious | CommentsPost a Comment
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