After practicing for ten years, Hendersonville marriage and family therapist Roberta Moore says she’s never seen the economy affect relationships in quite this way. In the last few months, people haven’t been able to afford divorces. The recession simply makes attorneys’ fees and other fees prohibitive. “I kind of like the idea that people can’t get divorced,” she says. “They’ll be forced to work out their issues.” Every couple has unique problems, of course, but Moore does hear a few recurring themes. Below, some common complaints and her tips for addressing them.  

The thrill is gone. It’s a frequent lament with both physical and emotional components. 

How to Fix It: When people first meet, the brain is flooded with attraction-causing chemicals. That’s because the situation is new and different. When being with your partner becomes routine, the chemicals stop flowing. The key is to keep introducing novelty into the relationship. Try a date night once a week, but change things up—take turns planning a surprise location, or a new and challenging activity.

Neither spouse feels safe enough to communicate. 

How to Fix It: In order to avoid conflict, spouses commonly hide things from each other—purchases, feelings, behaviors. Next time, try making it easy for your partner to talk to you about something that would typically upset you. Another tried-and-true rule: make your best effort to be calm and centered before you tackle difficult topics (right after a long day at work is not a good time). 

Emotional drift. People often feel like roommates, they’re emotionally disconnected. One partner may believe the other has changed so dramatically that he or she is no longer the person they fell in love with. 

How to Fix It: Remember that all relationships go through stages and phases—a relationship has a life of its own. Try to focus on why you married the person. What initially attracted you? Try telling your partner at least one thing each day that you appreciate about him or her.  

To get in touch with Roberta Moore or learn more about her practice, call 828-329-0431 or go to www.consciouschoices.com.